urgh untitled

What the fuck!!!! I am getting played hardcore and at first yeh i was so down but now i realise my efforts are going to waste. I am digging this guy right now and was so stoked when he told me i was his homegirl.. it as of today translated to what i didn't want. I'm his homegirl because i'm his pal, his buddy.. looked up the definition its pretty much part of a gang. So yeh he knows i have his back, but i'm nothing more. He told me today he's feeling this other girl and possibly her friend. I wanted to tell him that i was feeling him, but i can't do that. I can't let down my defenses... I've been there plenty of times and either way i still end up getting hurt. I should've known it was never going anywhere with him.. The reason i'm bummed is because all day he's been going by me just to say what's up, and it was weird cos i texted him last nite.
i was hoping he would text back he never did, cos he was at the hookah bar with his girl he wants. I should've just known that because of my age i would never get him. But i hate it cos i thought this could be my last chance for my heart to heal.. instead it feels black and broken into 1,000 pieces... I really feel like i just got kicked in the stomach like i can't breathe... I need a new mantra like fuck guys.. but yeh for everyone else that'll translate to now i'm a lesbian. And no i'm not but i have to never fall for anyone ever again.. its that final.. FINAL