I'm actually in a great mood today and that scares me just a bit. I know i have the occasional blog that isn't all poor me, this is one of them :) I know for my sanity that I have to leave the scene for a bit, but amazing enough originally I was gonna walk away and never come back. But i realise i will miss it extremely, but i think also that i'm scared because that I don't have a lot of street cred if you will. I just need to take the next 2 months and work on me, if i can lose some weight and also just refocus on writing new material and lyrics, i think i could bring my confidence up a couple of steps.
Being drastic has always been my calling card so of course i was being all drama queen at being hurt by my friends, but i realise the pressure they too are under but its when that pressure gets to be too much you need to turn to friends.
I may not have too many friends close by but i know who has my back sorta lol. I just wonder what Gods plan is for each of us and i wonder why i just can't bring myself to trust in a divine being. Not saying that i don't believe in fate and stuff but is there something else that controls our free will?
Then someone asked if i believed all this ascension stuff i don't think i do, but im hoping if it does happen and people are saved by God I hope he takes care of all the angels w/o wings in my life. There are too many awesome people out there who have on many occassions saved me from myself and proved that real friends will talk you into clarity.
I know i dog myself a lot, i guess its hard to feel worthy of light when i've been so lost in the dark for so long, but it really helps knowing that I am not alone and even if i don't feel worthy of my life, someone out there finds me worthy. Still dont know who posted that comment but i try to remember that on a daily basis that obviously my friends and family find me worthy of acceptance or we wouldn't be friends. So i close this by saying i may be WEIRD and a little FREAKY but i'm me and thanks to everyone who gets me. :)
2 comments:
I enjoy reading your posts, keep it up! Writing is such a great release!! You are talented, so don't ever give completely up on your dreams with music. If a little time to work on yourself is needed, go for it! We all need that from time to time, always...it's a never-ending journey :)
You are amazing, Em! Sorry for just now signing up to follow your blog... I love reading blogs though. We can talk more via email or Facebook or whatnot; I won't get too personal here. Just know you are loved by SO many people. You have a beautiful voice and you are a genuinely KIND person. You are a blessing to everyone around you and if people can't see that (like whoever said the comment, which I haven't seen, at least not yet), then F 'em! Seriously... you are a shining star. Find your light and don't ever let it dim. Love you, girlie.
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