Anger Hostility Towards The Opposition

Hello once again, yes its been awhile my bad.. I've been so busy dealing with stupid people that I can't begin to write it all in one post lol.

I think this one is gonna start with the question "Why do the people who care the most get screwed over first?" How come it can't be the assholes who are only out for themselves? I don't understand that when you give someone your heart even just a little piece that they keep it and lead you on, but when it really matters they shove a shard of mistrust right through the middle. It makes me sick to think that because I've got a big heart that I fall hard, but that no matter how that person treats me, i feel guilty for walking away.
I will never get to experience someone significant loving me back, cos after what seventeen years of being boy crazy, i've never had one of them actually care back. And yeh it makes me depressed badly and people say i'm lucky but i don't feel lucky... I feel broken and that God hated me enough not to make me normal or something.
Maybe i should blame society for making me awkward just because I'm not drop dead gorgeous and i don't dress like a slut.. I don't know i was taught morals or some shit like that.

But I'm fucking 28yrs old and never had a real relationship, and I will never trust someone enough to fill that spot, that's Pavlov conditioning there, So i think i am gonna stop trying, stop looking.. Its not so bad being alone, i can fill that void with friends... Even tho even then i fell empty there too.

Really in the past 2 yrs I've lost almost all my friends, those who were there always are only there very occasionally, to the point where i too have stopped calling them back cos they never call me either lol. I have no social life these days- No band, no dates, no nothing..
I feel like becoming a hermit, I've got 2 cats i can be the creepy cat lady altho i don't have 30 of them lol..... A bit of humor in the midst of my bitch fest lol shows i'm not toally lost i guess.
Well i've bitched enough today, i just had a bad nite and had to vent about everything that's been bottled up inside me.