So I don't know what is going with me lately.. I have been having a controversy with myself right now. So on a regular basis i fall flat on my face when it comes to guys and i scare them away cos i'm too brazen or something. But I finally found 1 guy who isnt the usual jerk that i tend to fall for, and I feel like a failure. I'm always worried that once he really gets to know me that he will go running the other way like every other guy, but I know he is different. He is totally like me and we have way too much in common but i'm still terrified.
I know i'm almost 30 and most people say that is still young but being a damn girl, I've been thinking about what it would like to have real love and fins someone you could spend your whole life with.. and I'm terrfied because I don't want to be thinking of settling down, I don't want to think about relationships and I don't want to end up sleeping with a random person who would screw me over the first chance they'd get. Why do I have to over- analyze every situation.
I want to be with this guy a lot and everyone is trying to pressure me into be more brazen *ironic right* because for once i chose to not be normal. Deep down I guess I am old fashioned Id rather have a guy court me and be the one who is excertive. I don't mind paying my own way seriously, but I love it when a guy is polite and sweet. Most guys are jerks and treat you like a one night gig if you will.. And I am not a hoe or a slut and for once someone isn't treating me like i'm a groupie.
I'm really worried because he is so shy and we flirt and obviously like each other but I dont want to mess this up. I was so excited he came to my show and was really kick ass, and asked me out for coffee and I was gushing all night. He makes me want to be girly and he makes me smile a lot. I went to bed with a smile and woke up with one too... I know this is corny but he is the light in my dark and that worries me. He inspires me to be happy and not dwell in my depression.
Ive never had a guy who seemed to worry about my well being or that he would let me down.. I'm so lost because its definitely good but I don't know how to act I don't know how to handle it. He likes me the way I am, I know that but seriously Im worried that once he knows about my past and my dark side, that I'll scare him away.
Once again over thinking and freaking myself out.. is there ever a happy medium.. I dont know what to do because Ive never been in this good of a situation... I never thought that I would be handed someone for me, even tho I know I'm overreacting because he isnt mine but hes the closest ive ever gotten to someone understanding me.
He makes me completely idiotic and I just gawk at him because he is perfect.
If I don't end there I will completely keep repeating how awesome this guy is, and still wondering what I am doing lol..
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