Sing A Song of Sixpence

Well its a new year new shit and stuff. In the end of January Jayce contacted Jenna about starting a project but she declined so I asked her to msg him and throw my name in the pot. I was super surprise she did and that he wrote back. SO now we have Counselor a 2 piece acoustic duo and we have our first show in a couple weeks.  That's the high part of my life, but I didn't come here to swim in the decent moments cos that's not what this place is for lol.

    So Wolffe where do I start with him? So ever since he had come to my store he always acted really weird about the fact that I called him my little brother, like he was embarrassed and in all actuality I ended up embarrassing myself because I couldn't see that we weren't even friends anymore.  He only called me his sister so he could feel comfortable about the part where I liked him and its so fucking stupid cos a part of me will always like him. And I blame myself for Rogue-ing him cos that made me feel closer to him and it freaked him out and he ran away full speed.  Sure when he wanted to go to the comicbook store he'd call and wake me up to go, but damn all to hell if he'd hang out with me after that.  So it made me feel like an on point friend cos he had no one else.  I started declining to hang out because I felt like I was only invited to the comic store for his shit and if he wanted to ask me about baby mama drama. It pains me to fully admit that he used me just as bad as Jz did and I let him because of liking him.  I realised that when he asked me in the store if I was still friends with her and I said not that it doomed our friendship or the lack of what really was one.  He was only friends with me because i was also friends with her.  If he could get info on her then he'd be a step ahead.  I was crushed when I realised I was so stupid.
      Now to the real reason I'm sad right now. So I can't even remember the last time I talked with him it was some stupid text or something with his small one word answers and boredom feels.  Or when he'd randomly come into the store outside of that I only tried inviting him to karaoke once and when he wasn't even polite enough to send me a msg declining.
      Now he shows up in the same uniform as JF and has been working there 4 months or so; didn't even tell me but then again we don't talk.  And of course he would be chillin with JF and what just upset me badly is I heard his voice before I saw him and he was all about giving K a hug so I yelled at him that I wanted a hug, he left me hanging (yes he had to pee but that's beside the point) he didn't even come say hi to me after he went, he went to chat with JF I didn't see him till they were getting ready to leave and he finally gave me a hug.  I know I was unfair in making him feel bad but I thought I'd be one of the first people he'd give a hug to.  But then I remembered that I think he's with K it just makes so much sense. And ironically its the only time JF actually sat there and conversed with me too because he was comfortable cos Wolffe was there. So I was sad by that, then as they were leaving i heard him say he had to go talk to someone else. Of course it was K i saw them all over by the deli when I was leaving. I so badly wanted to go over and butt in and pretend that I was one of the cool kids. But i decided to have some self pride today damnit.
       Then I sat outside for a moment and smoked a cig, and thought if only I'd gone over and asked him if he wanted a cd for my band that maybe that would peak JF's interest but I couldn't do it cos I'm a pansy hahaha.  I can't believe that I'm so lame why can't I just get over JF he doesn't like me and I fully know it just as I fully kno that Wolffe and I are no longer friends.  And that makes me jealous of K cos I bet he texts her or calls her as they have the SW Guild together :'(

    I just feel so fucking empty, altho the truth is feel everything and it hurts me consistently day after day. Tonight will be day one of getting back on my anti-depressants full time and I pray they help me cos I'm so lost that I don't even kno how to dig my way back out of this grave. Like where do I begin how do I start to let go of all my anger and resentment??