Holy fuck!
Where do I begin? I have to make this one short cos I need to get ready to go to Mark's; but after my last post my whole world died.
. . . .
My dad died in Oct and I'm so broken as a person, it's May and I cry every day and my anger and resentment about everything is through the roof.
I struggled before to wake up on time and get to work, and now it's magnified I literally am screaming for death and am so pissed that I'm weak and pathetic and can't end my life.
Jayce and I are no longer friends and the band is dead, and I've never been more relieved but sad to not have that outlet.
Ty and I are done with; he and I don't speak to each other and everyone backs him and so of course I'm by myself. I hate being at home and hate being at work. Ironically I love being over at Mark's which I've gotten to go over more often and feel truly at ease.
I've been trying to meditate more and it helps a little but not enough. I have a new counselor lined up in a couple weeks and don't even kno how I'm going to ask her for help without scaring her off like I did Kayla.
Grief sucks dick and I hate where I am mentally, I'm a fucking mess and just really wish it would all end but i'm stuck in this nightmare.
Work sux completely so I'm not even gonna waste space for that shithole.
Well session done this round cos I have to get ready to pretend I'm all bubbly and that everything is fine.
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