so the new year has a glitch lol

so after attempts to get my other kitty feeling better, he just looks miserable and the medicine is affecting him weirdly. So im quite upset but on Monday we'll have to put him to sleep. It just amazes me that both my cats who were brothers will die from cancer. Im wondering if their family has a higher cancer rate than most cats and if their other siblings will have the same fate? I will never know, but it is crazy that it is genetic in animals as well.

so today is a down day for me, i think i officially freaked Ronan out. Ive kinda thrown alot at him as far as my show and inviting him to this other one, and he seemed ok with those. But when i decide to see if he'll play the favourites game with me, thats when he decides to stay mum. I don't know what to think its like he is regretting liking me. I know its not true but thats how i feel because when i invite him to shows he's all on board but when i bring up hanging out without a show involved he never replies. i know he is super shy but im just not good at this sort of thing. everyone is giving me ideas to try and get to know him better but he doesnt seem to want to get to know me. I know we have things in common, but im just losing faith here, i dont want to be patient its not who i am, but every time im around him i get so stupid i wouldnt be able to tell him how i feel anyway.

Im lame i think about him a lot but its not really obssessive like ive been in the past its just impatience lol. Anyways if he doesnt want to talk to me thats just fine, im sick of always having to txt him and just randomly say hi.. he never does that for me. Its like if i dont txt him he doesnt even remember who the fuck i am. Im sick of being an after thought, i wish he woulda never asked me out for coffee, then i wouldnt know he likes me. But we still haven't even done that, its like his spur of the moment things and now its over. Well i'm over it, im not trying anymore. "You want me, come find me, make up your mind" Ev lyrics entered here lol
Im out